So, lately I've been reading some Pema Chodron, and some of her friends and co-authors, and for the first time in my life -- all due to their knack for translating these things in the Western terms, and describing the inner furniture of my mind -- I began to understand what I'm supposed to do when I sit down and meditate. And why I should.

Now, I don't mean understand on any deep and abiding level. I mean in any basic way -- at all. I've always thought I "should" meditate, and sometimes I'd try it. I'd sit down, maybe on a pillow, maybe light a candle, and try to concentrate. I'd sit, and "focus" for a while, and my mind would run rampant, and then finally, the timer would go off, and I'd feel a little smug because I did it. And also a little stupid, because I knew I had no clue what I was doing.

Then, I read Chodron, and some of one of her colleages in a book called "How to Turn Your Mind into an Ally," or something close to that. And it explained in the clearest of terms that my mind was an untrained horse, which I had no control over. I could relate to that, because once I actually had an untrained horse, and it did take the bit in its teeth and run like hell in the worst possible places, and I never did get the upper hand. The horse won the battles and the war.

So this book taught me that my mind was the same, and that my mission was to tame the horse. And the way to start doing that was to sit, and stay. It explained how the mind flickers then sets on things like a fly, from this to that and this to that. To the point that it's not really accurate to say that we've spent time thinking about anything in particular. The mind rambles. So the goal is to train the fly to sit on the breath, and stay there. And if you can accomplish that, you may begin to meditate.

Most people also suggest you begin a meditation journal. I guess maybe the reason why is that meditation is really hard, and really humbling, and discouraging. I mean, I've given it a serious effort for five days here, and I don't think I've learned much. I don't control my mind. And if I'm at all tired, which I usually am, I slide off into this sloppy dream state where my mind plays movies for no particular reason, and I get caught in the movies, and forget about my breath. If I try to meditate for 10 minutes, I'll spend the last five slipping around in that sloppy dream state, unable to come back or get a grip.

Frustrating. But maybe if I keep going, it'll get better.